Fatherhood

Some days are better than others. Whoever designed this store had a day like mine.

How?

How will you react when. . . . . . . .
1) Your son / daughter brings home their first boyfriend / girlfriend.
2) Your mentor is fired from their job.
3) The President of the United States holds a press conference explaining the history of contact with other beings and how long that we have known they exist.
4) A terrorist act kills someone you know.
5) The first person is teleported.
6) Someone other than an American walks on the moon.
7) There are no U.S. made cars or U.S. owned beer companies.
8) You have to put your parents in a home.
9) You are worth over a million dollars.
10) Your child is born.

Are you prepared? How will YOU react?

On my own. .. . .

The Mrs. left me home along for an extended period of time for the first time with all three of the little one's this evening to attend an event. I figured I'd live blog about the experience:

5:32pm: Wife leaves. 5-year olds sobs out of control at thought of being home along with daddy and siblings. Gets sent to room until she can control herself. Everyone else seems to contro themselves. Daddy starts dinner and she didn't help me at all in the respect. . . turn radio on loud.. . .. ACDC playing. . .turn it up and can barely hear crying of the girl.. . .

5:39 - 3-year old starts picking on 5-year old crying intensifies.

5:44 - Make myself a double vodka and tonic.

5:57 - Pasta w/ sauce on the table. drink half gone. Kids asking me why the pink floyd, "The Wall", the kids seem so sad in the song. No on crying.

6:11 - Dinner complete - judgement call on desert. bubble gum for the older one, piece of candy for little one. Baby still didn't eat. just roaming around the floor occupying herself.

I'm now in never-never land because I have to fill an hour +- of time with everyione before i can shove them off to bed and hopefully at this point think about getting the little one to relax without mommy. I know who will know, let me call Max B. He's always good at coming up with ideas.

6:30 Oldest - washing dishes, baby eating dinner. boy wandering around house.

6:45 - all okay. If no one is crying can I go watch P.T.I.?

7:00 - kids getting in pajamas - just have to get a snack in them, read some stories and then just deal with the baby.

7:32 - older two in bed. complaining about mommy not being here, asking lots of questions, Kira realizing that I have no breasts to comfort her. This could be a long night. Going to try the formula in a bottle.

8:01 - Miracle of all miracles. . .. all kids asleep. 2 in their beds and one beside me on my bead. I'm not sure how llong it will last but it is fantastic. Mommy checks in and of course they are all being great. Probably won't last long now.

8:15 that didn't last long, i made a wrong move and the baby woke up. she's now throwing a fit and couldn't be consoled. I've put her in her crib and am hoping she can regain her sleeping.

8:33 Still crying

8:55 Still crying

9:01 been quiet for 2 minutes. Hell's Kitchen season finale starting. She won't interupt that. Will she?

9:45 almost there.......when will mommy be home?

10:05 I'm headed to bed. . . for how long?. . .... . .not too bad at fatherhood.. . . .

4th of July Spectacular

As we approach a perfect 4th of July weekend (on a friday, so get to start on Thursday and get the three day weekend and weather looking good), I ask myself what items needed to be checked off the box so that when I come in on Monday and asked, "How was your holiday?", I can succinctly answer, "Fantastic." So, to the list. . . . .

1) MEAT - Eat no less than three different types of meat off the grill. It can be sausage, chicken, hamburgers, hot dogs, ribs. As long as it was something walking the earth in the not too recent past, it counts and I want bbq sauce on a least 2 of the items.

2) DRINK - I'm really at this point trying to figure out the line up. . . . . . do you start with the Jack and end with the wine or beer. .. . do you do a "progressive" and each time you finish a glass, you move on to something else? What I do know is that by the end of the weekend, I'm sure I'll have drank some some of the following; beer, wine, jack, vodka, and if she insists probably some gin.

3) S'MORE - Make a fire, let the fire burn and settle so there are some perfect ashes and toast the perfect marshmellow to create the perfect S'more. Because it's a holiday I might even put 4 little sections of the Hershey Bar on the ultimate sandwich instead of the standard two dictated my Mrs. Spaced Ghost.

Heck, I might even let the kids stay up late and give them a good jolt of sugar prior to bedtime. It is America's birthday.

4) FIREWORKS - Of course I want to light some fireworks. I bought some "legal" ones so that the little ones could see what the holiday has turned into and will try not to burn anything down. If I can pull it off, I'll try to hook up the 1812 Overture on the stereo while things are blowing up, but that might take too much coordination.

5) SWIM - in the pond. Take the kids down, put on the lifejackets, float around the pond with the fish nibbling on the toes. I would also add to this getting on a boat, but I'm not sure that's in the cards this weekend, so I'll leave the boat off the list this year.

Now that is truly spectacular 4th of July. Have a great weekend.

Father's Day

Any father who says they want anything besides peace and quiet and no children crying, whining, or otherwise being a nuisance on father's day is full of it.

Don't give me anything but a pair of flip-flops, a cold beer, maybe or maybe not a pair of pants and let me sit on the deck and reflect on my life before the little rays of sunshine came into my life.